A Quick Tour of Online Sexuality

Al Cooper, Ph.D. and Eric Griffin-Shelley Eric Griffin-Shelley, Ph.D.

Abstract

Online sexual activity (OSA) has come with the Internet age and is the leading edge of the next sexual revolution (Cooper & Griffin-Shelley, 2002). As with all human endeavors, there are both beneficial and detrimental elements to this. Driven by the “Triple-A-Engine” of Accessibility, Affordability, and Anonymity, the opportunities for enhancing sexuality are as exciting as the potential problems are concerning. The Internet allows for a level of sexual education and information dissemination previously unmatched. It also provides a fertile field for sexually disenfranchised and alternative communities. Online relationships offer previously unheard of vistas, as well as the possibilities of dangerous entrapments. Finally, clinicians are increasingly seeing a variety of forms of online sexual problems (OSP) and online sexual compulsivity (OSC) in their offices and need to be more able to recognize and effectively deal with them.


Key Words: sexuality, Internet, disenfranchised.

Much has been written about sexuality and the Internet in the last decade (Griffin-Shelley, 2002; Cooper, 2002). This brief overview highlights the wealth and diversity regarding sexual activity on the Internet. Our goal is to educate clinicians about the range of ways the Internet is impacting and influencing sexuality and sexual practices in our society.

Online Sexual Activity (O.S.A.)

In the USA, there are over 167 million Internet users, representing about 60 percent of the population (Nielsen Netratings, June 14, 2002). The Internet itself is growing at incredible speed with over two billion webpages available (www.google.com, June 14, 2002). According to one estimate, 15 to 20 percent of these Internet users have engaged in some form of online sexual activity (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000), and the term ‘sex’ is the most frequently searched topic (Cyber India Online Limited, 2002).

Online Sexual Activity (OSA) is defined as the use of the Internet for any activity (including text, audio, graphic files) that involves sexuality, whether for purposes of recreation, entertainment, exploration, support, education, commerce or efforts to attain and secure sexual or romantic partners. OSA includes cybersex (i.e., sexual activity between people via the Internet) Online Sexual Problems (OSP), which means that online sexual activity has led to difficulties (usually feeling out-of-control and/or having others complain about the activity) and Online Sexual Compulsivity (OSC), which indicates an ongoing, out of control engagement with online sexual activity.

Cooper, Boies, Maheu, and Greenfield (1999) suggest that there are three primary factors which “turbocharge” online sexual activity (OSA). They refer to these factors as the Triple-A-Engine. The three components include accessibility (i.e., millions of sites available anytime day or night), affordability (i.e., competition on the World Wide Web keeps all prices low and there are many ways to get “free” sex), and anonymity (i.e., people believe that their communications are anonymous).

Sexuality Information and Education on the Net

These three factors may be fueling a new “sexual revolution” (Cooper & Griffin-Shelley, 2002). One reason this is particularly exciting is that it is allowing people access to accurate information on human sexuality and opportunities to educate themselves without the all too common concerns of fear, shame, and humiliation (Acevedo, Delgado & Segil, 1998). The Internet, then, can be a “safe” environment to learn about sexuality, safer sex techniques and products, contraception and expected, developmental changes in sexual experience; for example, puberty, pregnancy, menopause, and aging. The impact of the Internet on children and teenagers is another area of intense scrutiny and importance with realistic concerns that young people might be taken advantage of, or negatively impacted, while on the Internet (Finkelhor, Mitchell, & Wolak, 2000). At the same time, innovative models of sexual education utilizing the Internet, with the potential to significantly benefit young people, are increasingly being put forth ( (Barak & Fisher, 2001; Longo, Brown, and Orcutt, 2002).

For those interested in short answers, simple solutions, and quick advice, there are a myriad of sexuality experts available on many websites (e.g., the “Sexploration” section of www.msnbc.com) and consumers can read regular advice columns, peruse FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions), or e-mail their own specific concerns. If a person wants a more in-depth consultation or even cyber therapy, this is also currently available, despite a multitude of questions that have recently been raised regarding the ethical, legal, and technological implications of such treatment options (Griffiths, 2000). A host of business and marketing opportunities exist for mental health professionals with expertise in human sexuality to promote themselves. Oftentimes these opportunities are interwoven with an attempt to educate the public via websites, bulletin boards, e-mail, distance learning and other tele-health opportunities (Leigh, DeLeon, James, Folen, Earles, & Gedney, 2000).

Sexually Disenfranchised and Alternative Communities

Many sexually disenfranchised people report discovering that they no longer have to live in isolation, shame and fear due to the connections fostered by the Internet. The Triple-A-Engine allows for beneficial interactions that result in a new sense of freedom, safety and community for those who have felt outcast or marginalized by society. Numerous websites, message boards, and chat rooms exist for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people, providing a vast array of new opportunities for coming out, expressing oneself, and interacting with like-minded people (Ross and Kauth, 2002).

In a similar vein, the Internet has opened possibilities for romantic and sexual contacts for people with disabilities and chronic illnesses (Tepper and Owens, 2002). Many elderly people also find fewer barriers and easier access to sexual activities via their computers, and are combating ageist attitudes by continuing to be involved in a variety of sexual experiences (DeLamater and Friedrich, 2002). Those who have felt their sexual proclivities were not socially acceptable have found the Internet to be an ideal forum to explore and pursue their interests.

At the same time, venues have also been developed for those with even more atypical sexual interests including zoophilia, voyeurism, sadomasochism and fetishistic interests. These arenas can provide an individual with the experience of universality (i.e., “I am not alone”) and normalization. Individuals report this experience of community to be very reassuring at the same time that sociologists debate whether or not this is ultimately a positive development. An extreme form of this would be those sites advocating rape, sexual mutilation, and sexual contact between adults and minors.

Online Relationships

For more than just sexually disenfranchised minorities, the use of the Internet to find romantic and/or sexual partners has reduced the importance of proximity, similarity, and physical attraction (Cooper and Sportolari, 1997; Suler, 2000). Many find that online users often reveal more personal information, more quickly than they do in face-to-face interactions. Suler (2001) calls this the “disinhibition effect” (2001). Younger generations who have grown up with the net appear to see the online environment as a viable source for finding love and sexual expression. Many young adults prefer the Internet to bars and singles clubs for a number of reasons, including convenience, cost and privacy. These are all synonyms for the Triple-A-Engine.

With research lagging behind, at this point we primarily rely on personal experiences and media-driven stories of whether Internet-facilitated relationships or online meetings help or hurt more people. However, regardless of whether we think it is good or not, the Internet is increasingly a forum for people to play out a wide range of relationship issues. Therapists need to be familiar with at least the basic mechanisms and dynamics of this phenomena.

Increasing numbers of clinicians are hearing tragic stories of online relationships. The coauthor, for example, interviewed a mother who moved 1,000 miles away to live with her online fiancé, only to find that he would soon molest one of her two teenage daughters.

At least part of the problem is the prevalence of deception online. Anecdotal reports abound of people discovering in a face-to-face meeting that the other person’s online picture looks years younger than they really are, or is actually someone else. Another form of deception involves online affairs, or cybersex, outside the primary relationship.

Different people may have different definitions of whether this constitutes a breach of the relationship contract or infidelity. Schneider and Weiss (2001) found in their research that “most partners described some combination of devastation, hurt, betrayal, loss of self-esteem, abandonment, mistrust, suspicion, fear and a lack of intimacy” in response to online affairs. Some even reported that the betrayal often happening in their own home, right under their noses, felt more injurious than a physical affair would.

Online Sexual Problems (O.S.P.)

Despite the fact that research shows the vast majority of those who engage in OSA do not demonstrate negative effects, there is also a sizeable minority of between eight and 15 percent who do seem to report adverse effects (Benotsch, Kalichman, & Cage, (2001); Cooper, Griffin-Shelley, Delmonico, and Mathy, 2001; Cooper, Scherer, Boies, and Gordon, 1999). One key question is how to tell the difference between Online Sexual Activity (O.S.A.) and Online Sexual Problems (O.S.P.), particularly when considering that the estimated one quarter to one third of those who go online participate in some form of OSA.

One recent study, conducted by Cooper, Griffin-Shelley, Delmonico, and Mathy (2001) reported several significant differences between the OSP sample and the sample that engaged in OSA but did not appear to have resulting difficulties. First of all, the OSP sample had spent twice the amount of time as non-OSP respondents involved in Online Sexual Activities. Second, each group’s reasons for engaging in OSA were different. Those with OSP reported that they were using the Internet to deal with stress and to engage in sexual activities that they would not normally do. Those without problems reported that their primary reasons were to either engage in OSA as a break, or using it as an educational tool. Another important delineation was that the OSP group reported having reduced sexual activity with a real time partner. Finally, the OSP group were 3.82 times more likely to have previous sexual problems (less so than with their reports of prior patterns of food and spending) corroborating that those with a vulnerability to sexual issues need to recognize the Internet to be a particularly risky place.

Clinicians are well aware that OSP is an increasingly common and concerning clinical issue with presentations ranging from a person spending excessive amounts of time on the computer engaged in OSA, to employees “cyberslacking” and downloading adult materials at work and sending sexually provocative emails to colleagues, to using the net to solicit anonymous and high risk real-time sex, to downloading child pornography and even getting caught in an FBI sting (Delmonico, Carnes, and Griffin, 2002). Additionally, there are concerns that those who engage in online sexual activities may be more likely to engage in high-risk sexual behaviors (Benotsch, Kalichman, and Cage, 2001). Although there is much overlap between the aforementioned issues and offline manifestations of sexual compulsivity that clinicians may be more familiar with, the Triple-A-Engine appears to greatly exacerbate mild issues in those with existing sexually compulsive propensities. Furthermore, there is concern that for some who may never had difficulties, sexual exposure to the Internet may put them at risk for developing these types of problems (Cooper, Boies, Maheu, & Greenfield, 2001; Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, and Boies, 1999). Therefore, therapists need to take steps to stay current in this rapidly developing area through readings, workshops, and discussion and consultation with colleagues.

Conclusions

Mental health professionals are finally catching up with what the media and public have long known—that the Internet is revolutionizing sexuality and has expanded opportunities for sexual expression and relationships in every corner of the world.

As with any technological tool, the Internet is not inherently good or bad. Instead, it is how the cybertraveler uses it that can lead to positive or negative outcomes. Psychotherapists are beginning to recognize that they need to know more about this powerful medium if they are going to be able to effectively guide their clients in navigating it. Many are also beginning to experiment and write about online interventions for these issues (Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, and Boies, 1999; Schneider, and Weiss, 2001) and to recognize that the Internet might also offer numerous ways to enhance their skills and practice, as well as to be a powerful adjunct to more traditional therapy techniques (Cooper, Scherer, and Marcus, 2002).

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Learning Objectives:

After reading this paper, readers will be able to

1. differentiate between online sexual activity (OSA) and online sexual problems (OSP).

2. identify one or more positive aspects of OSA.

3. identify one or more negative aspects of OSA.

4. explain the value of the Internet for sexually disenfranchised or alternative communities.

Brief Biography of Al Cooper

Al Cooper, Ph.D. is the Director of the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre (www.sex-centre.com), as well as heading the Training Program of CAPS at Cowell of Stanford University. The Centre works with a range of sexual and relationship issues including many sexual acting out problems. The Centre is widely regarded as one of the leading clinics researching, treating, and presenting on the fascinating new area of Internet sexuality. Dr. Cooper has numerous publications in this area including the first professional book on these issues Sex and the Internet; A Guidebook for Clinicians. . Dr. Cooper and his staff conduct workshops and trainings on these issues nationally, do forensic evaluations and expert witness testimony, and work with patients with these issues from all over the country. Dr. Cooper is frequently interviewed by the media from Dateline to Newsweek to the NY Times to CNN. A partial list of publications is available through the Centre’s website or by email request.

Brief Biography of Eric Griffin-Shelley

Eric Griffin-Shelley, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Lafayette Hill, Pennsylvania just outside of Philadelphia. He has authored two books, Sex and Love: Addiction Treatment and Recovery (Praeger, 1991) and Adolescent Sex and Love Addicts (Praeger, 1994) as well as editing Outpatient Treatment of Sex and Love Addiction (Praeger, 1993). Recently, he has worked with Dr. Al Cooper on his cybersex research projects and co-authored several articles and a book chapter.